Hypnotic Myths

Even though hypnosis has been around officially since the 1700s (Franz Anton Mesmer), there are still questions as to its validity and benefits. For the most part, these questions stem from fear and ignorance. Regarding this subject, it is generally assumed that what you don’t know can hurt you. People’s viewpoints on hypnosis vary according to what their experiences have been and what they’ve heard.

I am a stable, responsible, levelheaded, intelligent person. I am also a licensed hypnotherapist. One of the requirements for finishing hypnotherapy training was to go out and practice what you’ve learned; my obvious targets in this endeavor were primarily my family and friends.

My oldest child staunchly refuses to have anything to do with hypnosis, even now (I’ve been a hypnotherapist for 6 years.). She is not a child; she is in her early 30s and is a successful video producer. Still, she says that she’s not going to do something that might get her “lost somewhere and unable to return.”

My second child has volunteered to be hypnotized by me numerous times. He loves the experience. He enjoys how relaxed it makes him feel, and he believes that he derives great benefit from it.

My third child is aloof about the whole subject. He doesn’t validate or discount it one way or another. He’s just ‘to busy’ to give it a try.

I am curious about people who draw conclusions about hypnosis when they haven’t actually experienced it in some way. It baffles me how a person can discount it when hypnosis has not negatively impacted them or someone they know.

I’ve had people tell me that hypnosis is “the devil’s work”, yet I know of pastors who practice hypnotherapy in their counseling practices. I’ve had professionals say to me, “Yes, but does it actually work?” Well, does dieting actually work? Does imagery actually work? In order for something to “actually work” the user has to have a certain amount of belief in it. So, whether or not hypnosis actually works depends on the belief of the subject and to some degree, the skill of the hypnotherapist.

-You cannot “get lost” while hypnotized. There is no place to “get lost” to. You do not leave your body or your mind behind and go off somewhere.

-No one can “put thoughts into your head” or make you do things that you would not ordinarily do. Your own core values cannot be violated by another; if, under certain circumstances, you could be moved to bark like a dog or cluck like a chicken, then a hypnotic suggestion to do so would not violate your core values.

-Others cannot take over or control your mind. Your mind has 2 components: the conscious mind, which is the objective part, assists you in making daily decisions and analyzing data. The subconscious part is subjective, and this is where your creativity and abstract thinking lie. The subconscious is inclined to believe what you tell it. For instance, if you think something, then to your subconscious mind, that is so. It does not analyze facts; if you think it, then it accepts it as fact. If you think that others can control your mind, then for you, that is true. But only because you allow the idea to be a fact for you.

-Anyone can be hypnotized. What happens when you’re watching television and someone tries to get your attention? Have you ever been driving down the road, only to look around and see that you’ve gone much further than you thought? When you focus your concentration to the point where everything else is screened out, then you are in a state of hypnosis. Hypnosis narrows your focus and concentration. You do that when you are intent in a conversation, or performing any activity that decreases your awareness of things outside of yourself.

Hypnosis is not a mystery. It is not evil, and it is not mind control. It is simply a way to temporarily bypass the rational mind in order to facilitate desired changes. Many, many people have successfully undergone hypnosis and achieved their goals.

Copyright 2004, All Rights Reserved. You may use this article in part or in its entirety as long as you include the resource box. Please notify me if you reprint. Thank you.

The Mind, Information, and Attitude

Information is flowing to us at a great rate. The radio, television, the internet, advertising, newspapers and magazines are giving us information all day. We also receive information from the people we associate with in our daily lives. This article discusses some of the ways that our minds, both conscious and subconscious, process and use that information.

Our conscious mind is active whenever we are awake. Within the conscious mind are the abilities to think and reason. However, just because we have the ability to think and reason, does not mean that we always actually do that. For much of the time our conscious mind is in a passive state, just accepting all the input that is coming in, and not evaluating that information at all.

What happens in our conscious mind is interesting to us sometimes, but makes no difference to what happens in our lives. It is only when the conscious mind takes some information, and passes it to our subconscious (sometimes called nonconscious or unconscious) mind, that it has an effect on our lives and the results we get from our lives.

However, the subconscious mind has no ability to think or reason. It simply takes whatever information is fed to it, and acts on it. It makes no difference to your sub-conscious mind if the information is helpful to you in getting better life results or if it will do the opposite. But it makes all the difference to you.

Unfortunately many of us do not understand how and when this information is passed to our subconscious mind, and are also not aware of how the subconscious mind uses the information to produce the results we get in our lives.

For the purpose of this short article, if you can accept that some of the information coming to you has an effect on the results you get in your life, then the important question is 'How can I control this process so that more of the results I get are positive?'

Fortunately there is a simple answer. If you exert more control over the information that you receive, then you start to exert more control over the information that arrives into your sub-conscious mind. In turn this gives you more control over the results you get.

So how do you do that? Simply put yourself in a position where you expose yourself to less neutral and negative information, and more positive information. How do you do that? Evaluate the information that is flowing to you, and reduce your exposure to information that is not likely to contribute positively to your results.

When you start to look at your sources of information you may find that some of the people in your life are not a positive inspiration to you. Should you dissociate yourself from them? Not necessarily, but spend less time with them and do it less often. The same applies to television programs that are not uplifting or thought provoking, and to newspapers and magazines.

Similarly identify people who you aspire to be like in some way, and find out how to spend time with them. Identify reading material that will give you insights into life or help you grow as a person. Biographies of successful people might be a good example. Listen to self development CD's when you are travelling.

What you expose yourself to, and focus on, expands. Become a censor of information that you allow yourself to be exposed to which is not helpful in achieving the life results you want, and a promoter of information which will help

Emotional Intelligence: The Basics

There’s so much talk about emotional intelligence and how it can promote personal and business success. What is it really? What are its basic tenets?

Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions and that of others. This “intelligent” concept focuses on the role of emotion in our daily lives and how it affects our perception, reasoning, and behavior.

Emotions are pervasive in our daily existence. From the time we wake up to the time we retire to bed, we experience emotions. We can get excited by the news of economic recovery, or we feel upset when our favorite team loses a championship game.

Moreover, we can get lonely when our friend of many years decides to look for greener pastures and we can feel anxious when our child does not go home on time after class.

So really, emotions happen everywhere and anytime. There is no day that passes by without emotions being involved. We experience emotions when we - win or lose, receive phone calls from long lost friends, greet our children good morning, say hello to our neighbors, prepare meals for our spouses, or ride the subway train.

Emotions are just as normal as the rising of the sun.

However, there are times when our emotions can become overwhelming and can negatively affect our functioning. For instance, anger is normal. However, the inappropriate display of uncontrolled anger can be destructive.

Let me clarify this point with a hypothetical situation. Richard, a relatively nice guy who works as a salesman, is married for 5 years with Cynthia. For the past few years, his sales have plummeted due to some unknown reasons. He used to be mild-mannered but lately he hasn’t been the same.

When he gets angry, he just can’t control himself. He yells, bangs the door, throws fits, and punches the wall. In addition, he calls his wife names and puts her down. Eventually, he has physically harmed Cynthia. Due to his uncontrollable anger and physically abusive behavior, Cynthia has decided to file a divorce.

In this example, Richard has failed to recognize his ongoing anger and its associated behavioral consequences. Because of his inability to recognize his anger and consequent behavior, he has failed miserably to contain his anger despite signs that his wife doesn’t want to put up with it. In addition, he has failed miserably to recognize and understand the feelings of Cynthia. How could he? He can’t even recognize his own.

Emotional intelligence can therefore become an important tool at home and at work. By learning its basic tenets of self awareness (knowing one’s emotions), self management (controlling one’s emotions), social awareness (recognizing the emotions of others), and relationship management (social skills), people can make use of the emotion to advance the positive cause of our families and communities.

The Offspring of Aeolus - On the Incest Taboo

Incest is not such a clear-cut matter as it has been made out to be over millennia of taboos. Many participants claim to have enjoyed the act and its physical and emotional consequences. It is often the result of seduction. In some cases, two consenting and fully informed adults are involved. Many types of relationships, which are defined as incestuous, are between genetically unrelated parties (a stepfather and a daughter), or between fictive kin or between classificatory kin (that belong to the same matriline or patriline). In certain societies (the American Indians or the Chinese) it is sufficient to carry the same family name (=to belong to the same clan) and marriage is forbidden. Some incest prohibitions relate to sexual acts - other to marriage. In some societies, incest is mandatory or prohibited, according to the social class (Bali). In others, the Royal House started a tradition of incestuous marriages, which were imitated by lower classes (Ancient Egypt). The list is long and it serves to demonstrate the diversity of this most universal taboo. Generally put, we can say that a prohibition to have sex with or marry a related person should be classified as an incest prohibition, no matter the nature of the relationship.

Perhaps the strongest feature of incest has been hitherto downplayed: that it is, essentially, an autoerotic act. Having sex with a first-degree blood relative is like having sex with yourself. It is a Narcissistic act and like all acts Narcissistic, it involves the objectification of the partner. The incestuous Narcissist over-values and then devalues his sexual partner. He is devoid of empathy (cannot see the other's point of view or put himself in her shoes). For an in depth treatment of Narcissism and its psychosexual dimension, see: "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" and "Frequently Asked Questions" (scroll down for a complete list of FAQs).

But incest involves more than a manifestation of a personality disorder or of a paraphilia (incest is considered by many to be a class of pedophilia). It harks back to the very nature of the family. It is closely entangled with its functions and with its contribution to the development of the individual within it.

A family is a mechanism of allocation of genetic and materialistic wealth. Worldly goods are passed on from one generation to the next through succession, inheritance and residence. Genetic material is handed down through the sexual act. It is the mandate of the family to increase both, either by accumulating property or by exogamy (marrying outside the family). Clearly, incest prevents both. It preserves a limited genetic pool and makes an increase of material possessions through intermarriage all but impossible.

Once allocated, the family is an efficient venue of transferring material wealth, as well as transmitting information and messages horizontally (among family members) and vertically (down the generations). A large part of the process of socialization still rides on the back of this property of the family. It is still by far the most heavyweight agent of socialization. Gender roles, for instance, are learned, emulated and assimilated mainly through the family. Incest, in itself, isolated from its social context and judgement, should not have affected this function in particular. There is no logical reason why incest should interfere with socialization, role learning or with the allocation of material resources (except, perhaps, when it comes to inheritance). Paradoxically, it is the reaction of society that transforms incest into such a disruptive phenomenon. The condemnation, the horror, the revulsion and the social sanctions distort the internal processes of the incestuous family. It is from society that the child learns that something is horribly wrong and that he should not adopt the offending parent as a role model. The formation of the Superego is stunted and it remains infantile, ideal, sadistic, perfectionist, demanding and punishing. The Ego, on the other hand, is likely to be replaced by a False Ego version, whose job it is to suffer the consequences of the socially hideous act. To sum up: social control in the case of incest is most likely to produce a Narcissist. Disempathic, exploitative and in eternal search for Narcissistic supply – the child becomes a replica of his offending parent.

One of the main businesses of the family is to teach to its members self control, self regulation and healthy adaptation. Family members share space and resources, for instance. Siblings share the mother's emotions and attention. Similarly, the family educates its young members to master their drives and to postpone the gratification and satisfaction, which attaches to acting upon them. The incest taboo teaches children how to control their erotic drive by abstaining from ingratiating themselves with members of the opposite sex within the same family. There could be little question that incest constitutes a lack of control and impedes the proper separation of impulse (or stimulus) from the response to it. Additionally, it probably interferes with the defensive aspects of the family's existence. It is through the family that aggression is legitimately channelled, expressed and externalized. By imposing discipline and hierarchy on its members, the family is transformed into a cohesive and efficient war machine. It sucks in economic resources, social status and members of other families. It forms alliances and fights other alliances over scarce goods, tangible and intangible. This efficacy is adversely affected by incest. It is virtually impossible to maintain discipline and hierarchy in an incestuous family wherein some members assume sexual roles not normally theirs. Sex is an expression of power – emotional and physical. The members of the family involved in the incest surrender power and assume it out of the regular flow patterns that have made the family the formidable apparatus that it is. This weakens the family, both internally and externally. Internally, emotive reactions (such as jealousy of other family members) and clashing authorities and responsibilities are likely to undo the delicate unit. Externally, the family will be vulnerable to ostracism and more official forms of intervention and dismantling.

Finally, the family is an identity endowment mechanism. It bestows identity upon its members. Internally, the members of the family derive meaning from their position in the family tree (coupled with societal expectations and maxims). Externally, through exogamy, the family absorbs other identities and develops its own. Exogamy, as often noted, allows for the creation of extended alliances. It reduces the solidarity of the nuclear, original family by extending it to "strangers". The "identity creep" of the family is in total opposition to incest. The latter even increases the solidarity and cohesiveness of the incestuous family – but at the expense of its ability to digest and absorb other identities of other family units.

Freud said that incest provokes horror because it touches upon our forbidden, ambivalent emotions towards members of our close family. This ambivalence covers both aggression towards other members (forbidden and punishable) and (sexual) attraction to them (doubly forbidden and punishable). Others had an opposite view (Westermark) that "familiarity breeds contempt" and that the incest taboo simply reflects emotional reality rather than fight against inbred instincts.

There is little doubt that incest has nothing to do with genetic considerations. In today's world incest does not need to result in pregnancy and the transmission of genetic material. Good contraceptives should, therefore, encourage bad, incestuous, couples. In many other life forms, inbreeding or straightforward incest is the norm (chimpanzees, to mention close relatives). Finally, incest prohibitions apply to non-genetically-related people in most countries.

The more primitive the society, the more strict and elaborate the set of incest prohibitions and the fiercer the reactions of society to its violation. It appears that the less violent the dispute settlement methods in a given culture – the more lenient the attitude to incest. Incest seems to interfere with well-established and rigid patterns of inheritance. This interference led, in all probability, to disputes. In more primitive societies, arms were resorted to in an effort to resolve conflicts. To prevent recurrent and costly bloodshed was one of the intentions of the incest taboo.

The incest taboo is, therefore, a cultural trait. Protective of the efficient mechanism of the family, society sought to minimize disruption to its activities and to the clear flows of authority, responsibilities, material wealth and information horizontally and vertically. Incest threatened to unravel this magnificent creation. Alarmed by the possible consequences (internal and external feuds, a rise in the level of aggression and violence) – society introduced the taboo. It came replete with physical and emotional sanctions: stigmatization, revulsion and horror, imprisonment, the demolition of the errant and socially mutant family cell. As long as societies revolve around the relegation of power, its sharing, its acquisition and dispensation – there will always exist an incest taboo. But in a different society and culture, it is conceivable not to have such a taboo. This would be either utopian or dystopian, depending on the reader.

I'm Sorry! Blame-Game or Accountability

A powerful tool for health as we approach the new year can be to focus on giving and/or receiving only real apologies when we want to heal a rift with a family member, friend, or co-worker. We hear apologies all the time, but I don’t think many of them are sincere. An apology has to be real to heal.

Trang Lei spent the day helping Martha buy furniture and art for her remodeled living room, but Martha never even offered to buy Trang Lei’s lunch and so she felt unappreciated. Later when she told Martha she felt hurt, Martha said, “I’m sorry. I was just so excited about what I was buying that I didn’t even think about it.” Trang Lei did not feel better. In fact, she felt worse.

# What was wrong with Martha’s apology?

Martha’s apology came with a built-in excuse, implying that however she behaved was unintentional—beyond her conscious control. Moreover, Martha has an expectation that Trang Lei will accept the excuse. Thus, Martha perpetuates the original problem by continuing to be more focused on herself than on Trang Lei. I call this kind of apology “Sorry-Excuse.”

Even Martha wasn’t consciously manipulating, her goal was not to take responsibility but to find a way out of it. In most cases, if you don’t accept other people’s excuses when they apologize, they will quickly get irrupted at you, blaming you for not being understanding.

When we receive a counterfeit apology we often sense it and so rather than the hurt being healed, it is deepened—as in the old saying, “adding insult to injury.” I think almost all of us give such apologies. And we model it for our children.

Guidelines for making real apologies:

One: Identify common formats for apology that are" counterfeit."

If you clearly various types of bogus apologies, it will help you recognize when you give or receive an one. Here are some examples of common phrasing.

* “Sorry—Excuse”


Example: “I’m sorry I didn’t call—I’ve been really busy.”


Translation: Please be understanding about the fact that other things were more important than you.”

* “Sorry—Denial of Intent”


Example: “I’m sorry you took it that way. It wasn’t what I meant.”


Translation: I think it’s too bad that you had difficulty understanding me correctly.


Example: “I’m sorry if I offended you.”


Translation: I can’t think of anything I did wrong, but if you think so, I’d be happy to apologize so I can get back in your good graces.

* “Sorry—Blame”


Example: “I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. Have you been feeling Insecure about our relationship lately?”


Translation: If you are upset about my not calling, the real cause is your own insecurity, not anything I did.

Two: Only say “I’m sorry,” when you mean it and can specify exactly what you are apologizing for

When we give what I believe is a “healthy” or authentic apology, we can state clearly what we did that was disrespectful or inconsiderate without:

* immediately explaining why we did it,

* telling the person that however it looked or sounded, it wasn’t our real intention, or,

* bringing up some other issue that suggests that the other person contributed to or caused the problem.

For example, instead of focusing on why she didn’t buy Trang-Lei’s lunch—her excuse, Martha could have taken full responsibility, saying,

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. There is no excuse for me to forget to buy your lunch. Even that would have been a small thank you for how much you helped me. And you spent your only day off doing it.”

Here, Martha uses her apology to show her real appreciation as well as her sadness that she didn’t do so earlier.

Three: Decline to accept an apology that is not given sincerely.

When you accept an apology, and then walk away knowing it wasn’t real, you enter a world of make-believe where you pretend an issue is resolved while harboring resentments. Gently, firmly, without anger, you can decline a hollow apology. For example:

* If you believe that I simply misunderstood you, then I would rather not have an apology from you.

* Only if you believe you did something hurtful would I want one.

When you refuse to accept an insincere apology, you refuse to surrender to being manipulated or pacified and you hold the other person more accountable—without having to argue or try to force an apology. You are likely to feel greater confidence.

Real Apologies Build Character and Respect

If we can change how we give and receive apologies, we can become less defensive, gain insight, grow wiser, and strengthen all of our relationships. We can also, then, be a strong model for others, including our children, teaching them that real apologies show strength of character, gain the respect of others, and have great healing power.

Get Out of Jail Free: Stop Being Defensive

When Marcus and Sally first met they immediately felt like kindred spirits. Marcus was generally warm and open. But as their relationship continued, Sally noticed that sometimes when he was upset he had trouble talking. When she asked Marcus what was bothering him, he would reply that nothing was wrong. Only when she coaxed him would he eventually tell her. As time went on, his resistance increased. The more she probed, the more reluctant he was . . . neither of them felt an ounce of kinship; they didn’t even like each other. (Taking the War Out of Our Words, pp. 8-9)

Sadly, this is how many of us expect a relationship to unfold. After the “honeymoon period” and “real life” sets in, people get into ongoing conflicts that erode the bond of love between them, imprisoning them in long-term power struggles. It happens with our children and our own parents, as well as with our intimate partner or spouse.

Is this just the way things have to be? I don’t think so. I believe that most of us, whatever our race or culture, have learned a way of talking to each other that is based on the “rules of war.” So, for centuries, we’ve been using rules for talking to each other that actually create and intensify conflict!

How does it work? Well, in a war, whenever you feel threatened by someone, you get defensive. And that’s just what we do in our relationships, even with the people we love most.

How long does it take you to get defensive? When I ask audience members how long it takes to get defensive when someone pushes their buttons or puts them down, the answers range from “a nano-second” to “instantly!” What about you?

In Sally’s case, she got more aggressive as time went on. When Marcus would say,

‘I told you, nothing is wrong!”’ Sally would move quickly into her own anger . . . ‘Look, I am not a stupid woman. I can tell when something is wrong!’ (TWOW, p. 9)

Marcus is sending a double message, glowering in his chair while saying he’s not upset, and Sally is trying to force him to talk. Both are behaving in ways that are manipulative and controlling.

What can we do differently? Well, this is a big task, but one I believe is well worth the effort. The skills we need to communicate non-defensively are actually rather simple. When I teach them to third graders they learn them quickly. As adults, we have more to unlearn and we often resist change. Here are some key steps.

Number One: The non-defensive mind and heart set—Stop trying to control the other person: For example, we can give up the idea of “getting through” to the other person, making her or him listen to us or admit something. Whenever we do that, are trying to force the other person to change. Such force creates war.

Number Two: Disarming questions— Focus on curiosity: When Marcus, slumped and scowling, says he is “fine,” Sally does have an important piece of information. For some reason he can’t or won’t talk about what is going on.

Sally had begun to work on her own defensiveness, and one day when Marcus seemed upset, she asked him gently, without conveying any coaxing, demand or accusation:

Are you going to refuse to talk to me if I ask you what is wrong?” Sally reported that Marcus sat stone-silent for a while and then “it was as if the stone melted, and tears streamed down his face. (Taking the War Out of Our Words, p. 98)

They had the best talk they'd had in years. It can seem like a miracle when we ask a question that is simply curious, when we don’t try to control the answer. Sally said she and Marcus had the best talk they’d had in years.

But what if the person doesn’t open up? What do we do then?

Number Three: Giving Feedback—Be honest without blame: We can tell the person what we are witnessing without trying to prove our point.

Sally could say to Marcus,

(1) “When I hear you say that you are fine, which usually means to me that someone is in a pretty good mood, and

(2) at the same time I see you frowning and slumped in your chair, then

(3) it seems to me that you are upset, but don’t want to tell me why.”

In one sentence, Sally has given Marcus information about what she thinks his words are saying, what she sees his body expressing that contradicts his words, and what her conclusion is about why he is acting that way. But she has not tried in any way to force him to admit to anything or to do anything differently.

Number Four: Express your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs—Share your own vulnerability. Once the person knows how we see the situation, we can express our own reactions without being defensive. Sally might continue her statement to Marcus by saying:

(4) “So I feel helpless, and it’s hard for me not to try to make you talk, but I don’t think that is good for either of us.”

Number Five: Predictions (Limit Setting)—Create security by being predictable: We can tell the other person ahead of time how we will respond to certain choices he or she might make. Sally can let Marcus know what she will do if he decides either to talk or not to talk. For example, she might say,

(1) “If you decide to tell me what is going on, I would really like to talk to you about it.

(2) If you don’t want to talk, then I’m going to go work in the yard so I don’t get tempted to try to drag it out of you.”

The Outcome: We simply gather information, give information, and provide security by letting the person know how we are going to respond to certain choices he or she might make. Never do we try to control the other person’s responses.

Even if the other person stays defensive, we can be more peaceful and we can communicate with integrity and clarity. We can set boundaries that keep us out of power struggle and strengthen our own self-esteem. The miracle is how often the other person will drop her or his defenses and open up. After a decade of fighting when Marcus withdrew in silence, Sally’s single question dissolved his defenses and he was able to tell her about the war going on inside of him that kept him from talking when he was upset.

Creating A Winning Mindset

Do you know anyone who always wins? Sure you know that person, everything just works out for them. They go into business and they are an instant success. They enter the dating scene and their phone rings off the hook. If they were in the Olympics, you just know they wouldn't settle for anything less than the gold. It seems as though they always win.

Why is it that some people just have IT and others seem not to? Want to learn the secret to their success? Ready? Here it comes....the secret to unstoppable success...drumroll please....Winners EXPECT to win!

That's the big secret. Simple, huh?

But, think about it for a moment...Winners actually SEE their success BEFORE it happens! Do YOU expect to win BEFORE you have even entered a situation...or do you assess your chances AFTER you are already in the situation? Or, even worse, do you imagine failure?

BEFORE selling a piece of real estate, winners EXPECT to get their asking price. BEFORE buying a car, winners EXPECT to get a discount.

Before running an Olympic race, winners EXPECT TO WIN the gold, so they do win! This one small thing gives winners a tremendous advantage over others.

Want to be a winner?

Try this exercise...

Close your eyes for a full minute and THINK about achieving a goal in your life...go ahead, close your eyes for one minute and really THINK about achieving it.

OK, now close your eyes again for one full minute and EXPECT to get it. Did you notice a difference? When we simply THINK about getting something, our thoughts tend to be vague.

There are also two options...getting it or not getting it (winning or losing). But, when we EXPECT to get it, there is only one possibility...getting it (winning).

So now that you know the secret, the next step is applying your powerful knowledge and getting yourself to that point where YOU ALWAYS EXPECT TO WIN. I suggest that you take a full minute pause right before entering any challenging situation. During that minute, close your eyes, and imagine winning. See it, feel it, hear it, imagine yourself already having won. Guess what...you will have programmed your mind to pull you powerfully in the winning direction.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Nightmare After The Ordeal

Sarah is a 28 y/o accountant who had a traumatic past that she kept to herself. At age 15, she was grabbed by a masked man while she was jogging in a park. The man threatened to kill her with a knife and brutally raped her. She screamed but nobody seemed to have heard her.

Since that time, Sarah has developed nightmares about being raped or killed. In most days, she has suffered from flashbacks of her being attacked. Each time she watches TV shows that remind her of the incident, she gets scared, overwhelmed, and becomes agitated. At times, she develops anxiety attacks, palpitations, sweating, and restlessness.

Since the attack, Sarah can hardly trust people. As a result, her relationships have profoundly suffered. More recently, she’s been depressed and feeling hopeless. She hasn’t been sleeping and eating well. Her inattention has negatively impacted her work.

Based on the above symptoms, Sarah is most likely suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). What exactly is PTSD?

PTSD is a psychiatric disorder characterized by avoidance, hypervigilance, emotional difficulties, and recall behavior such as flashbacks and nightmares after a traumatic event such as rape, war, vehicular accident, or natural disasters. Recent researches have shown that after a trauma, biochemical changes develop in the brain that can result in psychological signs as shown above.

If untreated, some individuals develop emotional difficulties such as depression associated with inability to concentrate, sleep, and eat. Occasionally, they also become hopeless to the point that they want to die.

What is the treatment for PTSD?

The combination of individual psychotherapy and medications is known to help. Antidepressants especially SSRIs have been tried with some success. Other medications have been helpful to address the associated symptoms. Anxiety and agitation can be treated with benzodiazepines. The latter should be restricted to short-term use because of their addiction potential. Insomnia can be treated by a small dose of Trazodone.

Psychotherapy or “talk therapy” is an important part of treatment and recovery. The individual should be able to express the fear, the frustration, the guilt, and the blame in a secure and safe setting. Moreover, the therapist should provide ample support and empathy.

A Jungian Approach to Mental Illness

All of us suffer from some form of emotional distress at some stage. Some forms of distress can last longer than they should and may significantly impair our everyday functioning. If this persists, we may be suffering from a mental illness or mental disorder (like depression, or anxiety). We can better understand this by comparing a mental illness such as depression, with a case of the flu – it pervades our daily life with painful symptoms.

The traditional medical approach to mental disorder is that the symptoms need to be eliminated as soon as possible, then the neurochemistry of the brain needs to be altered to stop the mental illness. Well that sounds reasonable enough doesn’t it? The problem is that traditional medicine does not seem to be able to deal with the wide variety of mental issues we face, nor are they able to keep people symptom-free. There seems to be something more to this problem.

The Jungian approach to mental disorders is quite different to traditional medicine. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and founder of Analytical Psychology, believed that when we suffer a mental disorder, the psyche (the mind and the body) are trying to work through some issue. The nature and symptoms of the mental disorder tell us a great deal about the nature of the suffering. What distinguishes the Jungian approach to this problem is that Jung felt that the elimination of the symptoms prevents insight into the reason for the illness in the first place – i.e. the mental disorder is purposive, functional and wellness-oriented – the psyche is trying to heal itself through this illness.

Let’s think about flu again – the symptoms of flu are unpleasant but they are purposive and functional. The body raises its temperature (a fever) when it detects the flu virus in an attempt to kill it (viruses can’t stand high body temperature). The runny nose and headache are also attempts at eliminating the virus. We feel tired because our body is involved in emergency work, using energy over and above our normal needs. The symptoms are clearly functional and an attempt at healing. Why not view mental disorders in the same way?

Let’s take depression – we feel tired, don’t want to speak to anyone, shut ourselves away in a dark room, switch off the TV, stop working and feel hopeless. These are all terrible symptoms, but what are the symptoms making us do? They make us think about ourselves and examine issues in our lives that we may be ignoring (say for example a difficult time in childhood). When we address these issues, we often find that the symptoms reduce. This is by no means a complete overview of mental disorders or of the Jungian approach, but it does give you a sense that sometime a long-lasting emotional upheaval has a purpose. Ideally, we should contact a Jungian Analyst and talk through some of these issues and make up our own minds

Accepting New Ideas

Much of the time when a new idea comes to us, we handle that idea and move on, without ever becoming consciously aware of the process. During the times when we are consciously aware of the process of handling a new idea, we often reject that idea without understanding why we rejected it, or sometimes without even understanding that we did reject it.

How can this be?

To understand this, lets briefly review the mechanics of how our minds work. When a new idea comes to us, it comes into our conscious mind. It can be as a result of our own thinking, or it can be from an outside source. Immediately, and sometimes before the new idea is even properly formed, our sub-conscious mind starts to evaluate that idea.

Now this evaluation is happening in our sub-conscious mind. That means that we are not consciously aware of it, but it is happening anyway.

So how does our sub-conscious mind evaluate an idea, sometimes before the idea is complete, and without us being aware that this is going on. To understand this we need to understand a characteristic of our sub-conscious mind.

Our sub-conscious mind has no ability to reason. If that is so, how can it evaluate a new idea? Well one way is to ask itself, does this new idea fit with what I already 'know'. If it does, then the new idea will not be immediately rejected. If it doesn't then the sub-conscious mind will send a message to the conscious mind to say that this new idea doesn't fit. Usually at this point, the conscious mind will believe what the sub-conscious mind is saying to it, and reject the idea.

There are a number of problems with this. What if the information that the sub-conscious mind is evaluating the new idea against, is wrong?

A common example of this is when a new idea comes into our conscious mind, and our sub-conscious mind starts to evaluate it. The sub-conscious mind says, 'I already know that'. Now that 'I already know that' message is sent to the conscious mind, and what happens then?

Often the conscious mind stops considering the new idea at that point, and moves on to something new. But did the sub-conscious mind really know that it knew that? Maybe sometimes, but often the new idea is not even properly formed yet, so how could the sub-conscious mind be sure that it 'knew' that.

Unfortunately when the conscious mind gets the 'I know that' message, it usually stops receiving or processing the new idea, and that means the opportunity to learn something new is lost.

What can we do about this? How can we interrupt our sub-conscious mind so that it does not stop us learning from new ideas, when we are exposed to them. I suggest that there are two easy ways.

Firstly, when we hear our sub-conscious mind saying 'That doesn't fit', or 'That can't be right', or something similar, we can simply say to our sub-conscious mind 'Thank-you for that information'. This means that we have decided not to act on the message that our sub-conscious mind was sending. Our conscious mind is then free to continue considering, reasoning and thinking about the new idea.

The second thing we can do is ask our conscious mind to think about the new idea in a way it may have not done before. Usually our conscious mind thinks 'Is this idea right?', or 'Is this idea wrong?'. Instead of those questions we could ask 'Could this idea change or improve my life in some way?'.

This allows us to look at a new idea in a completely fresh way, without being influenced by all the things that we have learnt before, or that we already 'know'.

It was Will Rogers who said many years ago that "it's not what people don't know that hurts them. It's what they do know that just ain't so."

The Diagnosis Myth

Although I risk dissension by doing so, I must say something that I think many of us in the mental health community have acknowledged for quite some time: every single diagnosis of a mental disorder is fallible.

Before I proceed, I should note the value of diagnoses. They are immensely useful categorical tools. The human being cannot productively navigate the uncertain tides of reality without the use of symbols and structures. Symbols and structures allow us to determine where our glasses end and our tables begin. Accordingly, when Patient A is compulsively cleaning her apartment and Patient B is speaking to invisible demons, it is important to have the words "Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder" to describe the former and the word "Schizophrenia" to describe the latter. Categorizations such as these not only help us to distinguish between ailments, they also assist us in making reliable behavioral predictions and selecting appropriate modes of treatment. I have no intention of ignoring these facts.

However, two unsettling flaws consistently accompany diagnoses of mental disorders.

When one breaks an arm and is diagnosed with the linguistically sophisticated ailment known as a "broken arm," there is finitude on display. Witnesses could line up from the patient's bed to the hospital parking lot, and they would all agree that the patient was suffering from a broken arm. The Law of Averages insists that one or two jokers would, due to rebelliousness or sheer foolishness, concoct some other diagnosis, but I believe that my point is clear: physical diagnoses are better suited for objective consideration than are mental ones.

Despite the probable existence of Patient A and Patient B, the mind is a realm of liquidity and abstractions. Absent are any features remotely approaching the rigidity of a bone. Even for its most stubborn bearers, the mind is a place of motion. When it is possible for a Depressed patient to shift from numbness to panic to auditory hallucinations within the space of a single afternoon, of what ultimate use is the "Depression" label? To be sure, some symptoms achieve prominence within some minds, but all minds, we must acknowledge, never stop shifting, advancing, reversing, and flowing. Every mental disorder is therefore an abstraction at best.

I have been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This seems about right, but what am I to make of my occasional bouts of Panic? Are they "part of" my O.C.D., or do I also have Panic Disorder? And, further, what am I to make of the one or two professionals who have said that I may have Attention-Deficit Disorder? Is my A.D.D. an offshoot of my O.C.D. or does my O.C.D. stem from my A.D.D.? Which of the two shares a stronger bond with my Panic? Even more confusing: as part of my O.C.D., I sometimes obsess about the possibility of becoming Manic. This obsession seems to tangibly alter my moods, but am I authentically Manic, or am I merely Obsessed? I feel like panicking.

We must admit that all mental disorders, however distinctive their given names, are members of one large dysfunctional family. This family is so huge that I question the merits of memorizing all its members' names and faces.

The second inevitable defect of a mental illness diagnosis is the fact that Its Recipient Is Also Its Source. In other words, because the mind of a diagnosed patient is the seat of her affliction, knowledge of a diagnosis can provoke greater mental distress. Said distress can arrive in several forms. The patient's symptoms may increase due to her renewed awareness. The patient may develop an Inferiority Complex (yet another disorder!) or drift into a state of panic. Most troubling, the patient may adhere so strongly to the notion of being SICK that her mind will never trust itself to part with its imbalance.

I can sense the naysayers closing in on me. You likely think, "The patient will surely never improve if she's ignorant about the existence of her disorder!"

I agree wholeheartedly. Acknowledging the presence of a problem is the first step toward solving it. Nonetheless, our collective perception of mental diagnoses is ripe for a change. Not only do these labels fail to holistically summarize the people they're attached to, they also tend to make said people feel stuck.

Upon being diagnosed with a mental disorder, a patient should regard her diagnosis as a handy signpost en route to treatment and recovery. Regarding such disorders as fixed, deep-rooted states is a terrific way to make them hang around longer and sink in even deeper

Erickson's Theory of Human Development

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “Identity Crisis” before. It’s thought of as a conflict of self and society and its introduction came from one of the most famous psychoanalyst of the 20th century.

Sigmund Freud is probably the most familiar name that comes to mind when one thinks of famous psychologists. His basic foundation theories of instinct, phallic symbol obsession and oedipal complexes are prevalent in almost every artistic aspect of our culture. However, it was a friend and fellow psychoanalyst of Freud’s, Erik Erickson, who created one of the major theories that open a window to the development of everything that makes us who we are on the inside. It is referred to as Erickson’s Theory of Human Development and it simplifies the complex topic of human personality.

First, let’s talk about the man himself. Erik Homberger was born in Frankfurt, Germany in 1902. The conditions under which he began life give a great deal of insight into his obsession with identity. He was challenged with it from the stat. His parents weren’t married and his Danish father left before Erik was born. His Jewish mother married Erik’s pediatrician when he was three. Erik had Nordic features; he was tall, blond and had blue eyes. Neither the Jewish children at temple nor the German children at school accepted him.

As he grew up, psychology and art began to interest Erik and led him to various institutes including one where he was psychoanalyzed by Anna Freud, wife of Sigmund. Both later became close friends to Erickson. When the Nazis came to power, Erik moved to Boston where he studied child psychoanalysis and was influenced by many psychologists and anthropologists Mead, but many famous psychologists and anthropologists.

He is considered a Freudian ego-psychologist, meaning he takes the basic foundation of Freud’s theories, but veers away by focus on social and cultural orientation. Erickson’s theory closely ties personality growth with parental and societal values. His 1950 book, Childhood and Society, is considered a classic in its field.

There are eight stages of human development, each focusing on a different conflict that we need to solve in order to development successfully into the next stage of our lives. The idea is that if we don’t resolve each stage or we choose the wrong of two choices, our ability to deal with the consecutive stages is impaired and the failure will return to us at some point later in life.

Why Other Children are Rejecting Your Child

Introduction

Developing healthy peer relationships is critical for the normal development of a child. Peer relationships have been found to be an important predictor of positive adult adjustment and behavior. Difficulty in finding friends leads to feelings of low self-esteem and these feelings usually continue into adulthood.

Children with poor social skills are at risk for delinquency, academic underachievement, and school drop out. Even though the inattentiveness, impulsiveness, and restlessness frequently persist into adult life, these problems are of less importance as the child gets older. Rather, the main difficulty ADHD patients encounter as they reach maturity is their inability to interact appropriately with others.

ADHD children often lack the social skills that are essential to success in life. These children can be socially inept, and their lack of interpersonal skills may cause them a multitude of difficulties. In addition, positive relationships with friends in childhood provide a critical buffer against stress and help to protect against psychological and psychiatric problems. ADHD children lack these positive interactions and thus are at risk for a number of emotional problems.

Probably 60% of ADHD children suffer from peer rejection. ADHD children are less often chosen by peers to be best friends, partners in activities, or seatmates. As the children grow older, their social problems seem to get worse. Their inappropriate behavior leads to further social rejection and exacerbates their inability to relate to others appropriately. Long term these children are more likely to have difficulty finding and maintaining successful careers. This is not surprising since social aptitude can make or break careers and relationships in the adult world.

Causes of Poor Peer Relationships

ADHD children are frequently disliked or neglected by their peers. It is difficult to determine all the factors that make a child unpopular, but children who frequently display aggressive or negative behavior tend to be rejected by their peers.

Impulsivity and Aggression

ADHD children tend to be more impulsive and aggressive than other children. Teachers observe that the social interactions of ADHD children more often involve fighting and interrupting others. These children are more intense than others and behave inappropriately in social contexts. For example, ADHD children are more likely to yell, run around and talk at unsuitable times. They also tend to want to dominate play, engage in off task behaviors and engage more in teasing and physical jostling of peers. This sets up a process of peer rejection.

Academic Problems

ADHD children often do not do well in school. Poor school performance by itself does not result in social rejection. However, the way the child responds to his academic difficulties can contribute to inappropriate social behavior. Children who cannot engage themselves with classroom work assignments often disrupt and irritate their peers.

Inattention

ADHD children have difficulty with sustained attention. Deficit in attention seems to be related to peer rejection independently of the aggressive, impulsive, and hyperactive behaviors of ADHD children. These children become bored more easily than other children. As a result, they are more likely to become disruptive in the classroom.

ADHD children have difficulty in modulating their behavior and changing their conduct as the situation demands. They have apparent social-cognitive deficits that limit their ability to encode and recall rules of social cues. Children with ADHD pay less attention to others verbally in games and other activities.

Many ADHD children are aware that they are socially inept. Children who are anxious or fearful about peer relations are unlikely to behave in an effective manner. These children withdraw from peer interactions and, in this way, limit their ability to gain acceptance and friendship.

Children are rejected by peers when they appear to be different. Similarity fosters social acceptance. Because ADHD children do not learn social clues as well as other children, they tend to be viewed as strange.

Bad Behavior

One of the keys to your child’s social success is proper behavior. If your ADHD or ODD child frequently misbehaves, it is your obligation as a parent to teach your child how to improve his behavior.

If your child is aggressive or defiant, if he does not accept the authority of adults, or if he conducts himself in a such a way that children his age will view him as a behavior problem, then your child will have a difficult time making and maintaining friendships. The friends he will attract are other aggressive problem children, the type of child with whom which you would rather your child not associate.

All children need friends. Behavior problem children have trouble making friends with others, so these children tend to congregate together. They reinforce each other’s bad behavior. If you are an aware parent and you have control of your child you can put a stop to friendships with these children. However, you must have control of your child’s behavior in order to help him to avoid the trap of bad friends.

Conclusion

Helping children with ADHD build close peer relationships is an important goal to focus on, and is one that often may be over looked. You, as a parent, have the ability to help your child accomplish this important social goal. You should make every effort to help your child in this area. His psychological health and his happiness, both now and in the future, are very much dependent upon how successful he is at making and maintaining childhood friendships

The 5 Hindrances of the Mind: Are They Blocking Your Self-Esteem

The issue of self-esteem is perhaps one of the greatest determinates in creating a life of freedom and abundance, or feeling inhibited and “just getting by“. Self-esteem is defined as “a feeling of pride in oneself“. It is how you feel in relation to yourself rather than how others see you. It’s between you and, well… you. Therefore, it’s not necessary to be so concerned about what others think to determine your level of self -esteem, as the definition does not include any “others“, just you. So where can you help yourself to better understand you? There are so many aspects of you but one that is of great importance is that of your mind.

In the ancient wisdom of Patanjali‘s Yoga Sutras, there are five hindrances or afflictions of the mind that are collectively known as the klesas. An understanding of each of these hindrances can help play a part in the discovery of self, leading to a feeling of well-being, connectivity, and greater self-esteem. The hindrances are as follows: ignorance (avidya), egoism (asmita), attachment (raga), aversion (dvesa), and clinging to life (abhinivesah). Encountering the afflictions without being aware of them creates stumbling blocks on the path to self-realization. The afflictions will arise at different times in life, but if one has spent time studying them, one may be able to recognize them for what they are and move through them with a certain level of personal understanding.

The first hindrance is ignorance of the true self which is the building block for all of the other afflictions. It can be described as an incorrect understanding of oneself that is the culmination of years of unconscious actions, thoughts, and words that one has become dependent upon as part of one’s being. Sound familiar? How many times have we replayed old tapes over and over in our head until they become so embedded in our persona that we begin to self-realize these false beliefs? From ignorance, derives judgments of oneself and of others. By understanding the various afflictions and where they originate, one may transcend a lifetime absorbed in ignorance.

The second hindrance is egoism which is the identification of the self with what one is not- the body, mind, personality, emotions, senses, accomplishments, failures, and possessions, or lack thereof. You may be thinking, “People with low self-esteem are certainly not showing an ego problem.” Well, it actually is an ego problem, as the concern over what others think dominates many choices and actions in daily life. In egoism, the practice of remaining in the moment and being a non-judgmental witness comes in handy. In truly observing what is happening in life as it is, rather than placing violent judgments on self, others and situations, one may experience life with a limited ignorance. Imagine viewing the world through a camera lens and just seeing what is-nothing else.

The third hindrance is attachment which arises from the ego’s idea that more is better and of the fear of losing what one already has in his/her possession. Are you keeping up with the Jones’? Do you really need to be? More stuff just means more upkeep; right? As one progresses on the life path, experiences occur that cause feelings of great pleasure. One may cling to these things in hopes of experiencing the feelings over and over again. Attachment is looking outside of oneself for validation and bliss. The reality is that external factors come and go; it is the internal true self that remains a constant. “Happiness is found within“, is a timeless phrase and it is unconditional and independent of any outside circumstances or people. Freeing, isn’t it?

The fourth hindrance is aversion which is also a form of attachment, but in the negative sense. The experiences or circumstances that one does not want to have, or is repulsed by, comprise aversions. Aversions are typically based on fear of the unknown, unfamiliar, or years of subconscious mechanical thought. Fear plays a big role in issues of low self-esteem. Attachments and aversions are both relative in that what is a good/bad experience or feeling for one may not be so good/bad for another. Any attachment or aversion springs from the imagination and can be construed as clinging, and therefore, in turn, suffering. By practicing detachment to either aversions or attachments, one can see a situation for what it is rather than what it is perceived to be.

Clinging to life or the fear of death is the final hindrance. It is self-preservation and the fundamental will to live in one’s body on this Earth. This affliction is said to be experienced even by the very wise. It is ultimately the understanding of this affliction that will set us free. Each individual would come to terms with this hindrance by their own accord in relation to their own belief system regarding death and what happens when we leave our physical body. It is my sense that we are eternal in spirit.

The klesas are complex and interwoven. By increasing the understanding of each affliction, one may begin to identify them when they surface in life. In knowing where the reaction, situation, or behavior is derived, the individual may be better able to experience the true sense of the moment in awareness and without judgment. By remaining open, one is able to receive the perfection in every moment.

It is a daily process to connect with oneself in understanding, but one that can create a life that is, for the most part, joyous, peaceful, and full of love. With practice the sense of self-esteem will continuously improve and the feelings of a life connectedness will deepen. Try it for yourself as this all begins and ends with you. For, it’s what you think that really matters.

“The mind is everything; what you think, you become.” (Buddha)

Major Schools of Thought in Psychology

When psychology was first established as a science separate from biology and philosophy, the debate over how to describe and explain the human mind and behavior began. The first school of thought, structuralism, was advocated by the founder of the first psychology lab, Wilhelm Wundt. Almost immediately, other theories began to emerge and vie for dominance in psychology.

The following are some of the major schools of thought that have influenced our knowledge and understanding of psychology:

Structuralism vs. Functionalism:

Structuralism was the first school of psychology, and focused on breaking down mental processes into the most basic components.

Major structuralist thinkers include Wilhelm Wundt and Edward Titchner.

Functionalism formed as a reaction to the theories of the structuralist school of thought and was heavily influenced by the work of William James. Major functionalist thinkers included John Dewey and Harvey Carr.

Behaviorism:

Behaviorism became the dominant school of thought during the 1950s. Based upon the work of thinkers such as John Watson, Ivan Pavlov, and B. F. Skinner, behaviorism holds that all behavior can be explained by environmental causes, rather than by internal forces. Behaviorism is focused on observable behavior. Theories of learning including classical conditioning and operant conditioning were the focus of a great deal of research.

Psychoanalysis:

Sigmund Freud was the found of psychodynamic approach. This school of thought emphasizes the influence of the unconscious mind on behavior. Freud believed that the human mind was composed of three elements: the id, the ego, and the superego. Other major psychodynamic thinkers include Anna Freud, Carl Jung, and Erik Erikson.

Humanistic Psychology:

Humanistic psychology developed as a response to psychoanalysis and behaviorism. Humanistic psychology instead focused on individual free will, personal growth, and self-actualization. Major humanist thinkers included Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers.

Gestalt Psychology:

Gestalt psychology is based upon the idea that we experience things as unified wholes. This approach to psychology began in Germany and Austria during the late 19th century in response to the molecular approach of structuralism. Rather that breaking down thoughts and behavior to their smallest element, the gestalt psychologists believed that you must look at the whole of experience. According to the gestalt thinkers, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Cognitive Psychology:

Cognitive psychology is the branch of psychology that studies mental processes including how people think, perceive, remember, and learn. As part of the larger field of cognitive science, this branch of psychology is related to other disciplines including neuroscience, philosophy, and linguistics.

One of the most influential theories from this school of thought was the stages of cognitive development theory proposed by Jean Piaget. You can find more information in this overview of cognitive psychology or learn more about professional options in this field in this cognitive psychology career profile

The Purpose of Psychology Theories

There are numerous psychological theories that are used to explain and predict a wide variety of behaviors. What exactly is the purpose of having so many psychological theories? These theories serve a number of important purposes.

* Theories provide a framework for understanding human behavior, thought, and development. By having a broad base of understanding about the how's and why's of human behavior, we can better understand ourselves and others.

* Theories create a basis for future research. Researchers use theories to form hypotheses that can then be tested.

* Theories are dynamic and always changing. As new discoveries are made, theories are modified and adapted to account for new information.

Types of Psychology Theories

Developmental Theories

Developmental theories provide a set of guiding principles and concepts that describe and explain human development. Some developmental theories focus on the formation of a specific quality, such as Kohlberg’s theory of moral development. Other developmental theories focus on growth that happens throughout the lifespan, such as Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development.

Grand Theories

Grand theories are those comprehensive ideas often proposed by major thinkers such as Sigmund Freud, Erik Erikson, and Jean Piaget. Grand theories of development include psychoanalytic theory, learning theory, and cognitive theory. These theories seek to explain much of human behavior, but are often considered outdated and incomplete in the face of modern research.

Psychologists and researchers often use grand theories as a basis for exploration, but consider smaller theories and recent research as well.

Minitheories

Minitheories describe a small, very specific aspect of development. A minitheory might explain fairly narrow behaviors, such as how self-esteem is formed or early childhood socialization. These theories are often rooted in the ideas established by grand theories, but they do not seek to describe and explain the whole of human behavior and growth.

Emergent Theories

Emergent theories are those that have been created fairly recently and are often formed by systematically combining various minitheories. These theories often draw on research and ideas from many different disciplines, but are not yet as broad or far-reaching as grand theories. The sociocultural theory proposed by theorist Lev Vygotsky is a good example of an emergent theory of development.

Important Psychology Theories

Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development
Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development
Freud's Theory of Psychosexual Development
Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development

Influence in therapy and counselling

In my own practice, about one in ten clients makes reference to a previous counsellor or therapist who has listened to them without making any suggestions or giving direction – which is usually why they end up coming to see me! Those in distress need direction –that is why they go into therapy. So how did this approach to counselling develop?

Person centered counselling and people as ‘flowers’

In 1928 a book called ‘The Child Centered School’ was published. This book was to determine US (and to some extent British) education for many years to come.

‘The Child Centered School’ borrowed many ideas from 19th century German and Swiss philosophers such as Fredrick Froebel who believed that children are like flowers in a garden (Kindergarten literally means ‘a garden whose flowers are children’).

Froebel felt that children, when given a ‘non-threatening’ environment would develop their potential through an automatic ‘self actualizing’ principle. Self actualization is an abstract term meaning the process of establishing oneself as a whole person able to develop one's abilities and to understand oneself.

Left to grow

Self actualization, he believed, could only occur if the child was left to develop in its own way. Too much discipline, direction and laying down of boundaries would impede this process. Nature should be allowed take its course and the ‘flowers’ left to grow unrestrained. (You can imagine what would happen if this approach were taken in a real garden!)

The self esteem industry ran apace with ideas of child centered education. It was thought to be potentially damaging to limit children’s ‘free expression’, to set boundaries on behaviour and to deliver punishment.

Rates of childhood depression, suicide and school criminality have soared since the 1920’s. Rates of educational attainment have dropped. Maybe flowers need skilled gardeners after all! Gardeners need to make judgment calls, set limits and when required, apply fertilizer!

Therapy clients as flowers

In the 1950’s, Carl Rogers borrowed principles from child centered education and applied them to psychotherapy. His idea was that if you truly listen to somebody with a problem by feeding back or ‘reflecting’ what they are saying then they have the opportunity, given enough time, to ‘self actualise’

On no account could the therapist influence the client. Any expression of opinion or hint of direction from the therapist was forbidden as far as client centered therapy was concerned. The therapist was to be a blank screen.

Certainly listening to someone in a safe environment is an essential part of therapy. However it is just a part. People who are depressed, anxious, angry etc need to learn skills to stop their suffering. Listening is important initially but people generally seek therapy because they do want to be influenced by someone in ways that help.

Just listening and reflecting back to a depressed client may deepen the depression. This is why person-centered counselling is contraindicated for treating depression (1)

Non-influence impossible

Is it even possible not to influence others? Michael Yapko, a leading researcher into the treatment of depression said: ‘It is not a question of whether a practioner influences a client but how they influence a client. They will influence them merely by being in the same room.’

Charisma and influence

Charisma is a measure of how expressive and emotionally infections we are. A charismatic person is likely to make you feel the same way as them. They lead the emotional atmosphere. High charismatics tend of course to be more expressive (often conveyed non-verbally through micro facial expressions). They have ‘something about them.’ A low charismatic’s mood is less ‘infectious’.

Contagious emotion

Emotion is contagious (2). If I smile at you, even a micro smile lasting no more than several milliseconds will influence you.

I may not be conscious of that smile. You may not be conscious I have smiled. However the emotion is still passed from me to you outside both of our conscious awareness.

Emotional ‘senders’

You may have noticed that certain people are accomplished at expressing emotions and opinions. Often, these people are more emotionally contagious than the rest of us.

Psychologists call these people ‘senders.’ Malcolm Gladwell in his revealing book ‘The Tipping Point’ writes about senders:

‘They are physiologically different. Scientists who have studied faces for example, report that there are huge differences among people in the location of facial muscles, in their form and even in their prevalence. It is a situation not unlike medicine. There are carriers; people who are very expressive and there are people who are especially susceptible. It’s not that emotional contagion is a disease but the mechanism is the same.’

Are you charismatic?

A psychologist at the University of California, Howard Friedman has developed a charisma test known as the Affective Communication Test. His test measures your ability to send emotion to others.

Friedman conducted an amazing experiment around his test. He picked a few dozen who had scored very high on the test, above 90 and a few dozen who had scored very low, below 60. He asked them all to fill in a questionnaire measuring how they felt “at this instant.”

He then put all the high scorers in separate rooms and paired each of them with two low scorers. They were told to sit in the room together for just two minutes. They could look at one another but not speak (remember the person-centered approach to counselling).

Then, once the session was over, they were asked, again, to fill in a detailed questionnaire on how they were feeling. Friedman found that in just two minutes, without a word being spoken, the low scorers picked up the mood of the charismatic high scorers!

If the charismatic person started out depressed, and the inexpressive person started out happy, by the end of the two minutes the inexpressive person was depressed as well. But it didn’t work the other way around. Only the charismatic person could infect the other person in the room with his or her emotions. And remember this occurred without any verbal communication.

Self discipline and mental health

Self discipline is not a new idea. There is an old story about a man who went to a tattooist because he had always wanted a tattoo of a lion on his back.

The tattooist started to sketch the tail into the man’s torso: ‘Ouch! What are you doing?’ asked the man. ‘I’m doing the lion’s tail’ replied the tattooist. ‘Well then for goodness sake let’s have a lion without a tail!’ said the man, wincing in pain.

Next the artist set about on the Lion’s whiskers. ‘Ouch!’ cried the man, ‘What’s that?’ ‘The whiskers!’ said the tatooist, getting increasingly irritated. ‘Well let’s have a lion without whiskers!’ moaned his customer.

The tattooist then set about doing the Lion’s back. ‘No that hurts too!’ shouted the man. At this, the tattooist finally lost patience with the man's lack of self discipline. Throwing down his tools and the man out of his shop he shouted, ‘How can you expect to get what you want without a little discomfort?"

Self discipline gets you what you want

One meaning of this story may be to show how handicapped you are if you base your decisions purely on your comfort level. If we don’t develop the capacity for self discipline we deprive ourselves of not only greater likelihood of success, but also larger and lasting satisfactions.

Knowing we can discipline ourselves over and above what feels comfortable increases self confidence. We need to be stretched as much as we need comfort and rest.

“Don’t have a wishbone where your backbone should be!”

Depression and self discipline

Over recent decades rates of depression have sky-rocketed but during World War II, depression and suicide rates dwindled almost to zero.

Winston Churchill could only offer the British people ‘blood, sweat and tears’ but victory was the greater goal for the whole nation, and so the discomfort it brought could be borne. There was no concept of not working because you didn’t feel like it, and rationing imposed discipline even upon eating patterns.

TV discipline

TV shows such as ‘Brat Camp’, ‘Career Boot Camp’ and ‘Faking It’ have demonstrated the incredible changes in ability and self esteem that can come about from short periods of imposed ‘self’ discipline. On these shows, personal preferences are set aside in pursuit of a longer term goal. They demonstrate that exercising the ‘muscle’ of self discipline hurts at first but pays dividends once it's in shape.

Long term benefits over short term preferences

We know that the quickest way to raise serotonin levels in a depressed individual (a neurotransmitter involved in mood elevation, emotion control and the ability to feel satisfied) is to get them moving - the quicker and longer they move, the more serotonin they produce.

However exercise is the last thing a depressed person feels like doing. This is where the capacity to put aside short term preferences for long term benefits comes into its own. (Someone who is deeply depressed may need to recover from the depression a little through relaxation and proper rest before they begin to gain energy through exercise.)

Increase your capacity

Like any capacity the more we use self discipline, the stronger it gets. Imagine your own life for a few moments if what you did was dictated entirely by whether you felt like doing it or not! What exactly would you do? And more importantly what wouldn’t you do?

The more we do things we don’t want to do, the more we are able to do: “It is the exercised muscle that lifts the weight!”

We are bombarded by commercials tempting us with beautiful products without indication of the effort, dedication, self discipline and time - “I want it and I want it now!” - required to purchase such products. (Neither do the commercials, quite naturally, show us taking the product for granted after only a few weeks and ceasing to be satisfied by it.)

Getting something is usually short term satisfaction compared to the inner rewards of the effort applied in acquiring it.

We are told not to ‘overdo it!’ but how do we know what ‘over doing it’ is if we have never used self discipline to push ourselves? The best candidate for psychotherapy is someone who is willing to work with the therapist, to try new things and be active in their own recovery. Otherwise, like the man who wanted a tattoo they will not end up with what they want.

Rant over, I’m off to make that phone call I have been putting off. Honest.

The Mad, Mad World of Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy, the 'talking cure', is not new. For as long as human beings have eased troubled minds through verbal communication, psychotherapy has existed in one form or another.

Since then, psychotherapy has followed a tortuous and often crazy path to the present day where, hopefully, it has found sense.

The Origins of Psychotherapy

Despite modern assertions that psychotherapy and sophisticated psychological understanding are exclusively Western domains, Western orientalists have noted that Sufi literature is full of evidence of profound psychological insight and sophisticated psychotherapeutic procedures. Historical Sufis such as Jalaludin Rumi of Afghanistan and El Ghazali of Persia display psychological understandings which have only recently been paralleled in the west.

In addition, ancient Egyptian and Greek writings dating back 3,500 years and more talk of 'healing through words' and the word counselling was used as early as 1386 in Chaucer's Wife of Bath's Tale.

Blinded by Terminology

These days, the terms 'counselling' and 'psychotherapy' are often used as if they are different things. But of course both psychotherapy and counselling simply mean helping someone using psychological means. In no other sphere of life, excepting maybe politics and religion, have words and language so confused the essential issues.

Changing metaphors for the mind

It has been noted, for example, by such writers as Frank Tallis (The History of Psychotherapy, Hidden Minds) and Robert Ornstein (The Right Mind, The Evolution of Consciousness, The Healing Brain) that psychological doctrine has often tried to align it self with current technological sophistication, perhaps partly in an attempt to appear more 'scientific.'

Hydraulics Hysteria

So, for example, during the 19th century the technology of hydraulics was all the rage. The metaphor for the mind became to a large extent hydraulic. People talked, and still talk, of 'running out of steam', 'letting off steam' and 'releasing pent up emotion'. Much experimental therapy (particularly in California during the 1970's) focused on the hydraulic metaphor, believing that to truly 'grow' a person had to 'let it all out' and release 'pent up' emotion. Interestingly, recent physical tests of heart and immune function show that releasing extreme anger is no less damaging to the main arteries than 'keeping the anger in.'

Getting In Deep

The metaphor of problems being 'deep rooted' or 'deep seated' really means any explanation of behaviour that is to be found at the level of the unconscious. Freudian and Jungian analysis are classic examples, although these days people often use it to promote psychological problems to higher levels of importance with phrases such as "Oh, I think it runs a little deeper than that!"

Electrifying Ideas

After hydraulics came electricity that was, by the early 20th century, becoming a bigger factor in industrialised society. People talked of 'recharging your batteries' and 'being run down.' Psychiatrists at the Tavistock clinic in London routinely electrocuted British survivors of the World war one trench warfare in an attempt to restore their energy levels and ECT electric shock treatment became popular. Ironically electrical psychiatry killed some survivors of the Somme!

Does Not Compute

After World War Two came the computer age. Computers had proved their worth during wartime as code breaking devices and a new metaphor for the human mind was borne. We now talk of 'processing information', 'retrieving memory' and 'crashing'.

Thankfully, the study of the human brain itself has advanced tremendously over the past decade. We now have a direct understanding of how the brain itself works which is unparalleled in history. It is to be hoped that metaphorical reference to current technologies may no longer be necessary in future years.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental and emotional condition that has its origins in a physical and/or mentally traumatic event that occurred anywhere from a few days to several years in the past. PTSD can develop by one overwhelming trauma as in 9/11 or by a series of smaller traumas or abuses occurring over several years such as living in an alcoholic home. It can be recognized from symptoms such as recurrent and persistent recollections of the traumatic event and recurring dreams of the event.

Psychology has made great strides in recent years in the treatment of PTSD. Recent powerful psychology techniques such as Neuro Emotional Techniqueä or NET™, TFT, and EMDR have proven to be particularly effective in treating this disorder.

The Characteristics of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Include the Following Symptoms:

1. Recurrent and persistent recollections of the traumatic event.

2. Recurrent dreams of the event.

3. Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event is happening all over again.

4. Intense distress related to internal or external events that remind one of the traumatic occurrence.

5. Efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma.

6. Efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that might be associated with the trauma.

7. An inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event.

8. Decreased interest or participation in certain activities.

9. Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.

10. The inability to have certain feelings.

11. A sense that time is short, and there is no future.

12. Difficulty falling and/or staying asleep.

13. Irritability or angry outbursts.

14. Difficulty concentrating.

15. Hyper-vigilance.

One type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder develops when frequent abuse occurs in the home. This can have grave consequences for developing relationships in general and intimate relationships in particular.

It is a cliché that before you can be in a healthy love relationship you at first must be in love with yourself. This is a very true cliché. For someone to be loved they have to love themselves. But to love themselves they have to be first truly loved and cherished by their parents. Parents often feel love for their children, but it is much rarer to show the action of love in a consistent fashion. This means treating a child in a healthy, non-judgmental way. Often parents are too demanding in their expectations or have too many needs of their own, to be able to show that type of love. Even if they do, we live in such a perfectionist culture that children often do not feel that they measure up.

Whenever a child feels abandonment from one or both of their parents they internalize the hurt and the result is a feeling of not being good enough to be loved. This feeling is the feeling of shame. Even if parents are relatively healthy and loving a child can feel tremendous abandonment if their parents get divorced, if a parent is alcoholic, or if they simply work too much and not spend the amount of quality time a child needs. This often leads to a deep emotional belief that they are unlovable.

Later, they might realize on a conscious level that they are loveable and in turn desire real love. Consciously they look for healthy love, but subconsciously they search out those people who are incapable of showing real love. This is called a repetition compulsion. This problem becomes worse if the child has been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused.

They find true love boring and yearn for people to treat them poorly, which ratifies their feeling unlovable. They often become addicted to these abusive relationships and feel that they cannot live without them. They become intensity junkies instead of trying to experience true intimacy. Finding partners who cannot commit is another variation on this theme.

When a child is repeatedly abused in childhood, as is often the case in alcoholic families and families where a parent has sexually abused a child, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder will likely develop in that child. PTSD is traumatic stress that overloads a persons’ nervous system. This overwhelming stress creates shock in a person and dissociation between the three major brains and the body/brain. The dissociation also causes repressed energy that cannot be released fully so that the individual returns to balance or homeostasis.

This repressed energy and dissociation causes the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. When a person cannot return to normal functioning they often develop a repetition compulsion in an attempt to resolve the problem.

A repetition compulsion is concept mastery gone awry. Concept mastery is one of the major ways in which human beings learn. If a person is trying to learn a task and does not quite complete it appropriately he or she will have a tendency to keep trying until they figure out the solution to the problem. This healthy tenacity helps us develop and grow as individuals and as a species.

This healthy tenacity however can at times turn into an obsession. This is what occurs in a repetition compulsion. A person will try to solve the problem in the same fashion over and over again without making any changes to their strategy in the fruitless attempt to master the situation. They often become desperate in their attempt to complete the action and solve the problem. They fail to realize that something is wrong with their approach. There is often a blind spot where the solution resides. Instead of looking at the problem in a different fashion and discovering a new way to respond, the person attempts the same technique over and over again which results in repeated failure and frustration.

This psychological dilemma is best illustrated by a sad, but all too common tendency. When a child has been sexually abused by a parent the child will dissociate, which essentially creates a hypnotic experience. The child will remember on some level and in great detail everything that has occurred. He or she will remember how they felt like a victim. They will remember what they were dressed in, the time of day, and the furniture in the room. They will also remember what the abuser was wearing, what tone of voice was used, and a number of other details.

The child will then have essentially two models of behavior. One will be a victim, and the other will be an abuser. This will be especially confusing because the abuser might well be seen as quite loving in other situations. The child will then want to find a black or white answer to their confusion. This concrete and absolute thinking is characteristic of a child’s thinking under the age of twelve.

The way a child attempts to resolve this conflict is to internalize the two models. Essentially a civil war develops when one part of the child feels like a good person who has been victimized and the other part acts like the original abuser and tells the child that they are worthless. The problem has no resolution however, because the two sides are usually equally matched.

It sets up a hot spot where increased psychic energy resides. It also sets up a double goal. The child will feel they are loveable and want love, but also feel unlovable and want to be rejected. This conflict will be mostly subconscious. Consciously they will move towards success and love, but usually because of their blind spot they will either act in a way or connect with a person who fulfills their subconscious desire or rather conviction that they are unworthy and either fail or get rejected.

In the failed attempt out of this stalemate they often subconsciously recruit a third person. Although, an abused child will identify with both the abuser and the victim, they usually specialize and follow one model more than the other. Therefore, a person who identifies more with the victim is drawn towards an abuser as if by radar and an abuser is drawn towards the victim in like manner. Often, even if aware of their blind spot and consciously trying not to repeat they are invariably drawn into the same snare or repetition compulsion.

NET™ or Neuro Emotional Technique™ theory postulates that we create our own reality and that we are responsible for our own story. This means that even if the story of past abuse when a person is a child is accurate and valid we are still responsible for repeating it if we do not deactivate the repetition compulsion and neutralize the energy that is stuck.

This is why NET™ Neuro Emotional Techniqueä is so effective for the problem of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and repetition compulsions. PTSD is about delayed grief or to say it another way energy that becomes stuck. A large part of this traumatic energy gets stuck in the body and NET™ is incredibly effective in relieving this energy. It seems to have the effect of allowing the client to reestablish homeostasis and therefore drain the energy and original belief behind the repetition compulsion.

When used in tandem with insight oriented therapy to understand the reason behind the self-destructive behavior, and EMDR to assist in shifting the short term memory loop of the trauma to long term memory, NET™ seems to complete homeostasis by bringing the body back into balance. This has been a major breakthrough in the treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Neuro Emotional Technique

NET or Neuro Emotional Technique is one of the newer “power therapies” and stress reduction techniques that along with TFT (Thought Field Therapy), and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) have become popular in the last ten years. These therapies seem to work quicker than traditional talk therapies. This appears to be due in part because they target the more primitive parts of the brain. These would include the Limbic system, the Medulla Oblongata, and the Enkephalin system, which is in every cell of the body.

Dr. Scott Walker developed Neuro Emotional Technique or NET in the early 1980’s as a stress reduction technique. Dr. Walker is a chiropractor by training, who uses Applied Kinesiology or AK. AK is based on Chinese medicine, acupuncture and the Meridian System. Chinese medicine is concerned with the body’s need for balance or homeostasis. If the Chi or energy of the body is in balance then it is assumed that the body will be able to cure itself and run at top efficiency. Practitioners do this by testing acupressure or acupuncture points in the body, which are divided up into 12 main Meridian Systems. These Meridian Systems are named for the main organs of the body such as the Lung Meridian or the Liver Meridian. Each of these systems is correlated with particular emotions. The lung meridian is associated with grief and sorrow and the liver meridian with anger and resentment.

Applied Kinesiology tests the Chi or energy by taking a strong indicator muscle, any strong muscle, and asking the client or patient to lock their muscle as the practitioner tries to challenge the strength of that muscle by pushing or pulling the area to see if it will hold. The practitioner might ask a client to hold their arm straight out in front of them and lock it while the clinician with an open hand firmly pushes down on the arm right above the wrist. This checks to see if the arm will hold. Almost any major muscle will work for muscle testing.

The body consists of water and electricity. It is believed that muscle testing checks to see if the muscle has enough electricity in it to hold. It appears that Chi is essentially the same as this electricity. Dr. Goodheart, the father of Applied Kinesiology, first demonstrated therapy localization. Therapy localization occurs when you test a strong muscle alone or in the clear and then touch another part of the patients’ body to test if a change of muscle strength occurs. If it does then dysfunction is assumed to be present in the localized area

Chiropractors who practice AK routinely test or challenge a vertebra in the neck or the back, and if the muscle goes weak then they can assume that the vertebra is misaligned or out of position in the spine. They then put the vertebra back in and retest. When the muscle is strong it is assumed the vertebra is back in alignment. The client routinely reports feeling much better demonstrating its’ benefit as a stress reduction technique.

Dr. Walker adapted and built on Dr. Goodhearts’ work by applying AK to the emotions. Emotions are energy. Emotions can be tested through the electrical system of the body. Therefore, if a muscle tests strong in the clear and then the Neuro Emotional Technique or NET recipient thinks of some issue that is upsetting, that previously strong muscle will become weak. Dr. Walker believes that what he is testing is the “emotional reality” of the body. This means that theoretically if a person believes an untruth his muscle testing will be consistent with that belief.

However, the emotional belief of a client, at least when they are not psychotic, is usually consistent with reality. Therefore, if a person says “My name is Sam” and his name is Sam, a muscle test of that statement will be congruent and will hold strong. The reverse is equally true. A clinician can now test how a person is feeling even if they do not consciously know how they are feeling. A therapist can now trace present feelings and problems a person is suffering from, and discover if there is an original trauma or feeling that the present problem or feeling is reactivating.

This essentially means that Dr. Walker has found the royal road to the subconscious. The ramifications of this discovery cannot be overstated. There has never been a better diagnostic indicator for subconscious reality. In my experience working with trauma survivors and children who have grown up in these environments, this technique is essential for a full recovery and as a general stress reduction technique is unparalleled.

These populations usually show a tremendous amount of dissociation. This essentially means that consciously they often do not know how they feel. NET accurately diagnoses the feelings that a client is having and the client then often reports congruence with that previously dissociated set of feelings. Then it releases it from the body by tapping on a few vertebrae that are related to the particular Meridian System that is associated with the emotion. Usually at that point several things occur. The client reports subjectively 1) A lessening of that particular feeling state that was bothering them 2) A feeling of relief and 3) Less dissociation in general and more overall integration.

Neuro Emotional Technique or NET seems to work in several ways:

1. It diagnosis problems and feelings.

2. It accesses the subconscious.

3. It discovers early traumas and how those traumas relate to present problems.

4. It acts as a biofeedback loop, which teaches people what they are feeling.

5. It increases congruence between the Human Brain composed of the Cerebral Cortex and the Pre Frontal Cortex, the Limbic system or Mammalian Brain, the Medulla Oblongata or Reptilian Brain, and the Endorphin System, which is an even more primitive brain located in each cell of the body and

6. This congruence thereby increases overall mental, emotional and physical health. The possibilities for the spiritual side of man are also immense.

7. It acts as a general stress reduction technique and lowers stress significantly on the cellular level.

While all of these are good reasons to become proficient in NET, with trauma work and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder this technique is a must. PTSD is so pervasive and the symptoms are attached so securely to the body, that unless some relief to the physical part of the trauma is attained the client will remain in great distress. Neuro Emotional Technique